Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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