his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We are two peas in an std pod
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
