I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
