dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
