Non-Jews are for practice
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
