May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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