I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
