i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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