ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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