Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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