She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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