White coat. Heels.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
