What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Drunk is a universal language darling
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
