if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
