Cold hands, warm shart.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
try to milk me bitch
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
