we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We are two peas in an std pod
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
