Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
