Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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