Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
