I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
