I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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