So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
