i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
