The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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