i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
