I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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