Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
