He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
