Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
