can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
