dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
