If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
