just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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