Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
