Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
