just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
