saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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