Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize