I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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