I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
