he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
