shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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