before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
True strength comes from lack of pants
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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