I checked into jail on foursquare
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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