it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
