Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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