i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
