i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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