So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
