Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
