Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just cut my nipple shaving
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize