i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
